ColumbiaMagazine.com
Printed from:

Welcome to Columbia Magazine  
 



































 
Charles Marshburn thinks CM needs a Restaurants Review

Writer even suggests one; who declines, with tell-all confession of just why not, even though the job has been a lifelong ambition, a lifelong dream
About: It's Just Me Again No. 077 Eating Out

Ed,

What about a weekly article by yourself in the Food and Wine section reviewing the finer restaurants in the area?

You could rate by healthy, interesting, price, healthy, interesting, etc. Did I say healthy and interesting more than once?

You could include how far you had to drive and if the fare was healthy and interesting!

Since this would be under the wine category, you could also mention the beverage menu. Just a thought.

s/Charles Marshburn




Thanks. And to that list, whether there's gratuitous, loud, offensive music one has to endure, or a Tv or radio to suffer through while trying choke down the food. Things like that, I'd think. Great idea.

How did you know that was my lifelong ambition?

When I was just a little boy, freezing my ass off riding over the Appen Avenue Hill in the Jones Wright addition in February, delivering the Courier-Journal, making a trail in two feet of snow, dropping tips of frostbitten fingers in the snow as I rode along, losing frozen ear after frozen ear and numbed toe after numbed toe along the way, and with tears freezing and glazing over my eyeballs so that I was riding blind, and with the only hope keeping me alive was that I'd ever make it back to my mother Audrey's kitchen for a simple peasant breakfast, even though I knew it would be never more, at any morning meal than
Country ham, fried chicken, fried squirrel, maybe a little rabbit or quail, thickened and redeye gravy, home canned tomatoes, a few eggs over easy, grits, corn flakes with just three or four dozen raisins thrown in; white and whole wheat biscuit, cornbread, light bread, and toast, and homemade butter, homemade blackberry jam, home canned peaches and home canned blackberries , honey, white Karo syrup, and molasses, leftover chocolate and jam cake (we were never rich enough to afford the fine foods, store bought donuts and Twinkies for breakfast), and just hot coffee, Postum, Ovaltine, milk, water, OJ and homemade tomato juice to drink.

Honest, that's about all we ever had to eat at a breakfast at the Waggener table; but you have to understand that this was the Fifties. These were hard times. The Cold War was hot. We had a big family. A lot of mouths to feed. We just managed the best we could. It was a long time after Hudson Willis invented the televison set and Gaspard Brockman brought them to Columbia before our family even had a Tv. But before Daddy got the Dumont receiver and its Tenarotor on top of the house, We only had family entertainment we could provide ourselves. We fussed. But I digress.
''Back then I swore to myself that if I ever shook the shackles of newspaper boy slavery and escaped the bonds of Barry Bingham empire, I'd become a Duncan Hines one day.

He was the Kentuckian I truly envied. Just rode up and down the highway eating wondrous good stuff and writing about it. (Oh I did dream of being rich like Mr. Shrader, the Belknap salesman, all he did was drive around South Central Kentucky in a warm car with the world's largest catalog taking orders from eager customers, which was a whole lot easier than peddling Dad's side line, selling the miraculous nostrum, Pedolatum salve, to unconvincible neighbors).

I swore then one day I'd answer the High Calling. One day I, too, would become a Food Critic. And swore -cussed - the centuries-old Adair County motto at the paper-boy job, "I (really) don't have to take this _ _ _ _. "

But I did.

I did have to take that _ _ _ _.Sheer determination will not always get you where your talent doesn't go, though lots of governors, U.S. Representatives and Senators, Secretaries of Defense, Governors and singers have proven otherwise.

Perhaps it was the curse of being put in the dumb row in Mrs. Marshall's first grade class at Columbia Grade Center (not my fault, as I recall; I don't remember the particulars, but I'm sure it was caused by a classmate: Brenda Joyce Owens, Donnie Harvey, Joan Cole, Bonnie Willis, Henny Sandusky, Jimmy Tupman, Joanna Harper; one of those, I think) and never getting out of it throughout years in the classroom.

In hindsight, I really don't know, though I know that every man should be able to pinpoint the hour and minute of his downfall.

Lacking the skills to be a food critic, I toiled a lifetime on the grimey, inky side of the news business, delivering newspapers, collating newspapers, being the assistant mimeographer to Chief Mimeographer Thurston Sullivan, he got to turn the crank and feed the sheets of paper, got to do the glamor job of changing the master. I was the mere off bearer for the Lindsey Wilson Junior Hilltopics. Eventually holding that toughest print-related job, delivering the United States mail in Indianapolis, IN, where I learned that no matter how clean a white first class envelope looks, if you handle enough of them in canvas mail pouches, you'll be grimier than you can get as an inksetter on a web newspaper press. That was as high as my scribing skills ever got me. It was over 50 years of lowend jobs like that brought me to today.

I've learned my limitations. Maybe one of my boys will follow your advice. Maybe Evan. He's grown up now, and loves fine dining and critiquing.. Maybe Tom and Teresa's firstborn will start writing when the baby gets here.

Me. I have bumped my head on glass and real ceilings too often before. I've learned to accept.

I'll stick to web factotoming, putting in commas and and codes and stuff in others submissions. That's my calling. That's my lot.

But I'm honored, grateful. Much obliged, all the same. Maybe another or many others will answer your call. -Ed


This story was posted on 2010-10-17 19:23:26
Printable: this page is now automatically formatted for printing.
Have comments or corrections for this story? Use our contact form and let us know.



 

































 
 
Quick Links to Popular Features


Looking for a story or picture?
Try our Photo Archive or our Stories Archive for all the information that's appeared on ColumbiaMagazine.com.

 

Contact us: Columbia Magazine and columbiamagazine.com are published by Linda Waggener and Pen Waggener, PO Box 906, Columbia, KY 42728.
Phone: 270.403.0017


Please use our contact page, or send questions about technical issues with this site to webmaster@columbiamagazine.com. All logos and trademarks used on this site are property of their respective owners. All comments remain the property and responsibility of their posters, all articles and photos remain the property of their creators, and all the rest is copyright 1995-Present by Columbia Magazine. Privacy policy: use of this site requires no sharing of information. Voluntarily shared information may be published and made available to the public on this site and/or stored electronically. Anonymous submissions will be subject to additional verification. Cookies are not required to use our site. However, if you have cookies enabled in your web browser, some of our advertisers may use cookies for interest-based advertising across multiple domains. For more information about third-party advertising, visit the NAI web privacy site.