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Carol Perkins: A Golfing Tale Golf, her husband tells her, is a gentleman's sport. After an all too interesting day on the links with her husband attempting to become a golfing couple - maybe even a golfing family, she made a permanent decision to leave it as he called it: A gentleman's sport. Only Carol or Erma Bombeck has experiences like this one. The next earlier Carol Perkins column Carol Perkins: OOPs. By Carol Perkins A Golfing Tale Golf is a gentleman's sport. That was what Guy told me when I asked why Tiger would be fined for kicking his golf club. Guy is a golfer. He may only play once a week and claims not to be very good, but he owns a set of clubs, has the right shirts and shoes, and enough golf balls given to him at Christmases to be able hit trees and sink into water traps with others to spare. Some people have asked if I play golf alongside Guy. "Are you kidding?" is my reply. First of all, I am not athletic and second of all, I find golf very slow and serious. Hit the ball, watch it fly through the air, drive the cart to the next location (or walk), wait your turn, hit the ball again, wait again - too slow for me. However, there was a time when Guy thought I might be an acceptable partner when we were on vacation since he didn't like teaming up with strangers. One Sunday afternoon, Guy decided to teach me a little about golf and in the process, let the children (they were 10 and 7), ride and even drive the cart. We went to Barren River, which is a tough course and definitely not one for a beginner. While I was trying to hit a ball off a tee, I dug up more grass with the club than Guy thought acceptable so he scowled. Meanwhile, Carla and Jon were enjoying the golf cart - too much. As expected, they first argued over who was going to drive first. Carla won the toss up, so from hole one to hole two, she drove. Jon sat in front with her while Guy and I rode on the back, with Guy directing her as if she were preparing for her driver's test. As we were progressed from one hole to the next, the day lingered and the children were getting testy. "We're almost finished," Guy insisted as we teed off at the ninth hole. Oblivious to us because we were on the green and they on the cart path, they began to argue and then to fight over who had driven farther than the other. Not actually fist fights, but the slapping back and forth with unwanted hands touching hands and slipping licks to shoulders and heads kind of fight. As Guy was teeing off, I saw movement over my right shoulder. The cart was moving, picking up speed down the incline with Carla behind the wheel not paying any attention to the fact they were moving. I panicked, as any mother would, dropped my club and ran toward the run-away golf cart yelling, "PUT ON THE BRAKE." By then, Guy was running down the hill of the number nine fairway to get in front of the cart. He lunged into the speeding cart and slammed on the brakes, jerking them into whiplash. Needless to say, they were full of blame and excuses. That was the last time I was ever on a golf course. It was the last time either of them was on a course until they became adults. It was the last time Guy suggested we become a golfing couple. That was the only good thing that came out of this ordeal! - Carol Perkins This story was posted on 2012-07-22 05:57:33
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Have comments or corrections for this story? Use our contact form and let us know. More articles from topic Carol Perkins:
Carol Perkins: OOPs. Carol Perkins: Just a Little Something Carol Perkins: Why all the fuss about the lake? Carol Perkins: Bursting Forth in Song Carol Perkins shares Great Idea! Survival showers for couples Carol Perkins: Raising tobacco was second nature here Carol Perkins: The Pointer Sisters Carol Perkins: A Family Gathering with Oscar Sullivan Carol Perkins: Next to the most Carol Perkins: SCRAPPERS View even more articles in topic Carol Perkins |
 
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