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Carol Perkins: Pest Control

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By Carol Perkins

Guy's idea of pest control is his cap. We were sitting on the patio the other day and a wasp joined us. My thought was to leave it alone, but Guy's idea was to attack it before it attacked him. When the wasp began to circle him, he took off his cap and swatted at it, left and right, knocking it toward me. "Watch it!" I yelled. "I don't want it on me." His reply was, "Better you than me!" A can of wasp spray sat nearby. "All that does is make them mad," he said as I eyed it.

Creatures own the outdoors and we borrow it, expecting cooperation. Bumblebees like certain flowers I have planted in the flower box, so why should I think they will stay away because I don't want them? Guy battled a bumblebee not long ago. While swatting it with his cap, it declared war. The two danced on the patio until Guy cornered it with spray and let the bee have it, dousing him all over. The bee limped, shook off the spray, and came at him again. In time Guy won, but not without doing the two-step. The porch belongs to us, but the outdoors belongs to them.

The other night the same raccoon that has visited for a year was too close to the house to suit me.

Before going to bed, I often switch on the light, survey the patio and backyard, and then go to bed. That night our raccoon was directly under the breakfast room window not three feet from me. His masked eyes locked with mine. What a pretty creature. However, no raccoon is to be trusted. I yelled at him, but he ignored me and scooted under the porch.

"Guy, the raccoon is under the porch!" I said, dashing to the bedroom where he was watching "Gunsmoke." He wasn't concerned even though raccoons are notorious for carrying rabies. That's all I need- a threat of rabies and the Covid 19 virus. I wanted him gone, so I looked online for ideas. When I read "seal off your chimney" I panicked. What if that "thing" dived down the chimney like Santa and took over the house? Jumping into action, I sprinkled cayenne pepper around the patio, and ammonia-soaked rags. Epsom salt works, too, but I used the last of that to soak my tired feet.

Creatures own the outside but when they crawl under my porch, they are fair game. That goes for Ernie our lizard and his brother, both of whom Guy won't let me kill. The "egg-shell" method didn't work, so now I'm going to try a mix of onion and garlic to run them off. My luck they will think they are dining at the Olive Garden.

Pest control is a problem, but it only became one when I "found" the outdoors. Until the quarantine, I seldom noticed Mother Nature. No one owns her.

Carol's new book, based on a true story, The Case of the Missing Ring, is available through Amazon, both paperback and ebook. You can contact her at

This story was posted on 2020-04-30 11:46:04
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