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Carol Perkins: The USS Guy Perkins

Previous Column: Home remedies

By Carol Perkins

The USS Guy Perkins has docked on Perkins' Lane and has not been out to sea for a month. The captain of this ship is restless, and a storm is brewing in the distance. He declared quite profusely that if "this" is the life of a retired person, he will never retire. To keep him from sinking into the depths of depression, I plan daily "activities."

His first adventure was his outdoor camera. After he set it up (I wrote about that last week), he was as excited as a fisherman with a big bass on the line when he put his camera card in his computer and captured not only the raccoon but also a rabbit. I didn't know the eyes of a rabbit glowed at night.

The next night he placed the camera on a tree, aimed at the back of the house. When he retrieved it, hoping this time to see the family of deer who leave their prints in the muddy spots of the yard, he summoned me to his office. "What do you see in this picture?" he asked. All I saw was a picture of him as he was walking toward the camera. "That is all I have. Nothing!"

For the next project, I had provided pictures. For weeks I have "nagged" Guy to make flower boxes.


After bringing all his tools from the basement, including a table saw that weighs more than a man with a bad back should carry, he retrieved enough lumber from his last project to make two "pine" boxes, four feet long and nine feet wide. They were perfect, so I sent our son a picture of Guy holding the flower box and smiling. Jon replied, "It looks good, but it isn't big enough."

While he was cutting and sawing in the garage, I sat on the landing (that he made) and drank a cup of coffee because he might have needed my advice. As I was watching, I noticed things that could be thrown away, and tubs and containers that I had filled long ago and now wondered what was inside. One by one, I sorted and found much I could toss from dried paintbrushes to empty shoe boxes. Other than what to do with paint cans half full, the garage is organized except for Guy's side, which is off limits! I spot projects no matter where I sit!

Project three will be a trip to the dump. He was so excited. "I'll go to the dump and then maybe get a load of mulch." That load of mulch would make project number four. I said, "When we go, maybe when you get the mulch, I can point to some flowers I want for my flower boxes and pay outside from the truck." He replied, "WE? Who said anything about WE?" Did he think his ship could sail without his navigator?

He asked how long I thought it would be before he could go back to work. I assured him at least June. His shoulders slumped, and his eyes lower. I might have seen a tear!


Follow Susan and Carol-Unscripted on 99.1 the Hoss in Edmonton on Tuesdays from 10amCT to 11amCT and replay on Sundays from 4pmCT to 5pmCT. Listen to Carol's podcast at spreaker.com/user/carolandcompany for entertaining stories and a replay of Susan and Carol-Unscripted.


This story was posted on 2020-04-10 06:35:22
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