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Kentucky Color: Skunk Mating Season

Click to full article for a much more accurate prediction of the start of spring, from GWSU, than you'll find from the modern media darling, the groundhog.

By Billy Joe Fudge

For generations here in the Great Wooded South, we and our forefathers have used nature by the scientific method of observation to predict weather intensity and anomalous seasonal timetables. When it comes to the timing of the arrival of Spring there is one animal renowned for dependability of forecasting, and no, it is not the media darling, headline grabbing, shadow searching, foundation undermining Groundhog!

All of our rural ancestors knew that Skunk mating season began, normally speaking, the first week of February. Because of the Skunk's tendency to offend and overload the olfactory sensory system of a Turkey Buzzard, our urban cousins went in search of a more palatable and less offensive harbinger of the advent of Spring.

After a couple First week of February Skunk Feast failures which ended with vinegar baths and full body, mud pack peels to reduce the number of days of isolation for event organizers, the lowly, mundane, unimpressive Groundhog was chosen as the animal to stand in, if you will, for the talented predictor of the future, the Skunk.

The Groundhog was and is so devoid of knowledge of the seasons and weather in general, that a season predictor skill had to be developed for it and voila, the "Groundhog looking for his shadow holiday", began. At any rate, it is not the Groundhog's fault that its only skill, digging holes in which to hide and live, would turn out to be a vice in the eyes of man rather than a virtue. I just wish that the powers that be would have been somewhat more creative in the invention of a meteorological gift for the Groundhog to employ.

Let us fast forward from lamentations of the past to the present to reveal the results of Great Wooded South University's 2020 Skunk mating season data. According to the data collected along Highway 55 from Columbia to Campbellsville on Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays since January 1st, Skunk Mating Season began 12 days prior to the beginning of the first full week of February. After reviewing the historical files and employing several complicated algorithms, Great Wooded South University predicts that Spring will begin March 11th. Dry land fish and water cress will be on the supper table before you can say, "Jack Spratt could eat no fat..."!

This story was posted on 2020-01-29 06:58:21
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