What it's like to be up to your ears in nose rings and other problems

One of the first things I learned in nursing school was that many women suffer from Empty Nest Syndrome when the last child leaves home. But now, as a mother, I fear there is a condition that is far worse-Full Nest Syndrome.

I envy you retired moms who can manage to blow-dry more than two hairs at a time without interruption, who don't discover a stray dog just gave birth to a litter in your linen closet, and the only scent coming from your refrigerator is baking soda.

As a Full Nest Syndrome sufferer, I'm up to my ears in nose rings; fake tattoos line my bathroom sink (just moisten and apply), and the only part of me that can still run is my pantyhose.

My son is no math whiz but he should know better. When I told him he could invite one friend over, the whole fifth grade showed up on my doorstep. (The teacher sent a note explaining she was absent.)

It's gotten so bad, all I have to do is clip a pizza coupon and a busload of foreign exchange students arrive.

Yes, my nest is full-full of recalled toys, jeans with holes, and potato chip crumbs; full of grass stains, bent baseball cards , and broken Barbies; also full of toothless grins and unoriginal knock-knock jokes.

But, like I told my husband as he finally tossed a cookie that little Elizabeth had left out for Santa, I wouldn't have it any other way.

(Marilyn Loy Turner, R.N., is occupational nurse at Batesville Casket, Campbellsville, and editor of the plant newsletter.)