'Cool' cat invadesTurner household

My family doesn't know it but we have a cat.

My husband noticed it briefly when it walked across the roof of his Cadillac. Little Elizabeth acknowledged its existence when it mistook her new sand-box for kitty litter. The boys thought it was "cool" when it came home one day carrying a rabbit's foot in its mouth. With my luck, however, the rabbit's body was still attached.

I know we have a furry feline creature.

I know the exact measurements of its mouth-big enough to chew and swallow $46 a month in cat food.

I know the exact color of its fur. I bought matching carpet so no one would notice when he sheds.

His meow is unmistakable at 2 a.m. when he is being treed by the neighbor's dog.

So I was amazed when Elizabeth came home from school one day all excited. "There's something wonderful in the White House," she said.

"Oh, is Bush back"? I responded.

"No, Mom, it's Socks."

"Why, honey, you've got plenty of socks. There's a mountain of them under your bed. They are even in your pillow case, everywhere but in your sock drawer."

"Mom, you don't understand. It's an animal."

"Oh, like your brother at the dinner table."

"Chelsea Clinton is so lucky-she has a cat."

As she sat down to write Socks a letter, I knew I'd never understand it, not even if I had nine lives.